“My dad is driving me crazy!” Linda spoke of her 97-year-old dad. Maybe some of you can relate.
Linda and her brother called themselves “ Dad’s on-call assisted living support team.” She might be immersed in a project at work when “Eldercare Alert” sounded, otherwise known as Dad’s cell phone. She got his panic calls several times a day. So did her brother. She said “It was also possible we’d both get a call over the same issue, so we have to circle back and get things clarified.”
Dad’s needs and issues varied from day to day, with several themes running through: an eyelash stuck in the eye, constipation, food issues, medication issues. On the good days, including 3 days before Christmas last year, Linda said Dad was a delight. But there were the not-so-good days, too, often related to his refusal to take Zoloft for anxiety. He’ll take the medication for a week or two and drop it like a hot potato later, much to the dismay of his children who suffer through his negativity.
At one point, Dad’s extreme negativity/anxiety/uncooperativeness/stubbornness, led Linda to write a letter to his doctor. She took it to the staff and asked if they would PLEASE see that the doctor read it PRIOR to seeing Dad. It worked!
“I’m tired and teary. Maybe I need to take some Zoloft?” Linda wrote in an email to me and another friend, Joy. The three of us talk long-distance on the phone from time to time. Linda lives in Nashville. Joy and I live in Western Washington State. We’ve all worked with seniors extensively, and we know that the most difficult ones are often our parents. Linda said it well: “It’s very frustrating to have felt that I was effective in helping folks adapt to senior community life and get involved in activities, and now to be unable to get the person I love the most to have improved quality of life.”
In one of our phone calls, Linda asked Joy, “Do you have any advice for me?”
Joy said something only a friend would say to a friend. And her words ring true: “Find a friend who you trust totally. One who you can whine to. Whine as much as you need to. When you’re done, you’ll feel better.” I agree.
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